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לקראת דייט ראשון

לקראת דייט ראשון

מתרגשת, מתכוננת, מצפה

ההתרגשות הראשונה – מקבלת ההתאמה,

התאמה בטינדר

הודעת-דואר באתר הכרויות זה או אחר,

ההתרגשות הזו שמדגדגת

ומעלה את השפתיים כלפי מעלה, בחיוך,

קוראת שוב את הכרטיס

מסתכלת שוב בתמונות

מנסה לפענח מעט מהבעות הפנים בתמונה

בתקווה שיש גם תמונה שהוא הסכים לחייך אלי

לחייך למצלמה ללא משקפיים.

ואז מתחיל צ'אט,

צ'אט קצר או ארוך

צ'אט שגם הוא מהווה סינון כלשהו

לאורך הזמן למדתי – כי הזמן הוא המשאב הכי יקר שלי

מנסה את הזמן שיש לי – לעצמי

לשמור לדברים שנכונים-לי

אז אם צלחנו את הצ'אט הראשוני

יגיע השלב להחלפת הטלפונים.

 

עולים שלב בהתרגשות?

מחכה לשמוע את הקול

לשמוע את השפה

לשמוע את הביטויים

ועד כמה "כזה" "כאילו" משתרבבים אל השיחה,

מחכה לראות שהוא מתקשר

או שאולי רק עבר לווטאפ

ומרבה לשלוח מדבקות

אבל לא כותב

או לא מתקשר,

והרי מה הייתה מטרת החלפת הטלפונים,

שינוי מדיה?

כיום הכל כבר בנייד בכל מקרה….

אצלי זה מפעיל עוד מערכת סינון

אומרים Timing

ולתזמון יש משקל רב בדברים

גם "בגלל" או "בזכות" הציפייה,

תלוי בזווית הראייה.

הטלפון מצלצל או שאולי את זו שמתקשרת?

פעם העדפתי אני לקבל את המספר שלו,

ככה הטלפון לא הפתיע אותי

ויותר מכך, שהבת עוד היתה קטנה

ככה יכולתי לקיים השיחה במועד שנח לי

אהה כן,

תמיד שווה לשלוח הודעת SMS / ווטאפ

ולבדוק האם עכשיו מתאים לצד השני לדבר?

התחשבות קטנה שיוצרת הרבה אדוות

התחשבות קטנה שמאפשרת לשני הצדדים להגיע לשיחה

במצב נח ונכון יותר,

התחשבות קטנה שהיא בעצם גדולה

ומראה שיש מחשבה גם על זה שמולך.

הטלפון מצלצל, מספר חדש על התג

שוב ההתרגשות

החיוך

הציפייה

מנהלים שיחת טלפון ראשונה

גילתי על ועם עצמי

לאחר ניסיונות שונים ומגוונים

שעדיף לי לקצר בשיחות הטלפון טרום הפגישה בראשונה

כן לשיחה או 2

שיחות קצרות יחסית שבהן מגששת

האם יש עניין

בודקת בשיחה כמה פרמטרים שנכונים עבורי

ואם צלחנו גם מערכת מסננים זו

קובעת פגישה.

למה ????

כי למדתי שאם מאריכים בשיחות

מפתחים עוד ציפיות

מגיעים לרובדי שיחה, ועומק

שחלקם מקדימים את המצב

כמו לרתום העגלה לפני הסוסים.

ולמה מקדימים את זמנם?

מכמה סיבות

ונתחיל בחיצונית

לצערי כבר פגשתי אנשים שהתמונה שלהם

היתה רחוקה מהמציאות

תמונה של איש שופע שיער

ומגיע איש קרח

או מלווה שיער – אלו שמזיזים מכאן לשם

תמונות שלו מתקופת הצבא

כשהיום הוא כבר אבא לבני נוער ובוגרים

שכבר מזמן שוחרר אפילו משירות המילואים,

תמונות שלא מייצגות את הווה…

אז מה יוצא

מכרת לי אשליה

והתחלנו – "בשקר"

למה להתחיל ממקום לא נכון?

 

סיפור אמיתי

כששאלתי את אותו הגבר,

זה מהתמונה עם השיער השופע

מדוע בחר לשים באתר את התמונה הזו כשבמציאות הוא חצי קירח?

מה חשב שלעצמו, כשנסע כמעט 45 דקות לפגישה איתי

ובא כמו שהוא – חצי קירח???

תשובתו היתה –

כנה – אבל מרגיזה,  

"אולי לא היית מסכימה להיפגש איתי"?

ואני אומרת – נו ????

ו…. ???

אז עכשיו נפגשנו לקפה

ראיתי אותך

האם יצרת נקודת פתיחה טובה יותר לקשר ביננו

או רעה יותר?

התשובה ברורה

מאז – זה נר לרגלי

 

תמונות עדכניות ומשקפות המציאות

הרי אם השמנתי, והשמנתי

הדייט שמולי – יראה זאת 

ויחליט – נעים לו להסתכל בי

מעניין לו לשמוע אותי

יימשך אלי או כבר נמשך?

אבל אם אשים תמונה

מהתקופה שהייתי 15 קילו פחות

ואופיע כפי שאני היום

זה יצור אצלו משיכה או רתיעה???

ובנות –

שמעתי סיפורי אימה מחברינו הגברים

בחייאת, בדיוק כמו בפוסט "הכבוד"

גם כאן

נאה דורשת , נאה מקיימת….

עדכני את התמונות שלך

גווני בהן

תמונה אחת פנים ורצוי מבט

וחיוך

תמונה שניה – עומדת.

זמן המשאב היקר הזה

זמן שכל כך חסר שלנו

זמן שלנו לעצמנו,

אז להגיע לדייט ולפגוש מישהו/מישהי

שונה לרעה מהתמונה

מבאס

 

וזה מחזיר אותי לעניין הציפיה

למה אני ממעטת בשיחה?

יש כל כך הרבה דברים חשובים בדייט

החיוך

המבט

הריח

התחושה

אצלי זה גם – הגובה

או התחושה של ללכת לצידו

האם זה נעים לי או מוזר

ככל שנעמיק ההכרות לפני הפגישה

לפני אותן 7 שניות של סריקה

נפתח עוד ציפיות

ניצור חלומות

ואז כגודל הציפיה

כך- גודל האכזבה

אז לימדתי את עצמי

ומזכירה זאת לעצמי לפני כל אינטראקציה חדשה

הפגישה היא רק קפה

שני אנשים שנפגשים לקפה

שני אנשים שמאוד רוצים להכיר

שמגשים יחד

שסוחבים על גבם מסע חיים.

מצאתי שבדרך הזו

אני הרבה יותר נמצאת בהווה

ולא חייה את העתיד – בציפייה

ולא את העבר שלי – שגם הוא מקומו לאו דווקא בדייט הראשון

להיות בהווה – זה נקודת פתיחה טובה יותר לדייט

 

מה דעתך?

מוזמנים להשאיר בתגובות את "סיפורי האימה" שלכם

ועוד טיפ קטן –

שאלה על סיפורי האימה מהדייטים הקודמים

בדייט הראשון

תמיד תשבור את הקרח בינכם

תצחקו יחד

תהנו על "חשבונכם"

זה מקרב ובעיקר מדגיש עד כמה

"הקפה" הזה שונה – ולטובה.

 

הכל נשי.

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